Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
