She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize