he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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