Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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