We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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