I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
