Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
