dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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