When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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