how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
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