how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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