I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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