Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I look better un-naked...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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