Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The convent might be a nice break from real life
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
