Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
