I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
