I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize