Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
