and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
