ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
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a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
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Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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