you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
