well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
