youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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