Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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