He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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