they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
