good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
