I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
