i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
