did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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