why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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