worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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