My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize