why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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