And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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