My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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