Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
So many bounce houses so little time
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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