id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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