are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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