so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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