i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
