And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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