just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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