So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
