thus making me awesome and them whores
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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