I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
