So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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