So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
So squirting runs in the family.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
