dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
