News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
