every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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