Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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