she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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