Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
false alarm, still single
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
