gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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