Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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