Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
