Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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